Angel Winds Casino Buffet - tophd.xyz

Everything I Noticed whilst playing P5R (very long) (no major 3rd semester spoilers)

So I just beat Royal about 2 weeks ago and had an absolute blast. 10/10 would do again
Whist playing, however, I actually made a list of everything I personally discovered, though some things may be wrong.
If you want to add anything to the list, suggestions are appreciated!! And if you notice any mistakes, please tell me and I'll fix it up a bit, thanks!!
Oh, and there are no 3rd semester spoilers! I only wrote down things between the first day and Christmas day, so don't worry about anything too major in this post djsjshks and I didn't write much about any of the Palaces besides from story related things
Anyway, here's literally everything I wrote down!! Enjoy, my dudes 🤠

The Atlus/Criwear intros have now been improved, with Atlus's intro having a bit of Joker at the start doing Jokery things
The loading screen for starting up the game now includes the PTs logo with 3 spotlights
Palace "distortions" that can be seen surrounding the screen now have a new look
You can now see the sillohetes of future party members in the Casino
The dialogue between Futaba and Ryuji are now actual dialogue boxes, not side dialogue that you'd see in Mementos
Loading screens are SO much faster and the "walking" loading screens now include more people
You can see Takemi walking towards the clinic when you arrive in Yogen
The scene after you cleanup your room, and going to school is now fully voiced
Sojiro generally has a kinder tone
The "New day" screen now has gone through some improvements. The clouds now move!!
Kawakami will accidentally hand you something whilst giving you your student ID. She quickly takes it back though before you can see it. Most likely maid service stuff
The ride back home now has additional dialogue of the road being extra packed at the end of Sojiro's monologue
You can meet Ohya interrogating a Station officer about the train crash
Arsène now has an "è" in his name
Arsène also talks with a "shouting" dialogue box. It's like a normal dialogue box, but it's shouting now
Not sure if this was in the original or not, but Ryuji has a bit of extra dialogue for him throwing the key away (not much, just a simple "ngh" but still)
The "ugh woe is me I'm a teacher and he's late boo hoo" is now voiced
A fuck tone of dialogue has been rewritten to sound better. Definitely an improvement
Sae now mentions what Kamoshida's crimes were ("He was guilty of everything - the abuse, the... violations...") (I think I'm not sure tho jdhdgh)
Kawakami when shittalking Ryuji will now get cutoff as soon as he approaches
While Ryuji waits for you on the roof, you can find Haru on the 3rd floor talking to a teacher!!! The teacher says how they'll leave the rooftop open so she go to the planters that she volunteered to take care of
The planters are already on the rooftop. I'm not sure if it was there last time in the original, but if it's not, it's a cool touch lmao
Sojiro's scolding for ditching half a day is now rewritten a bit +new dialogue options for Akiren
New dialogue from Justine about how neglecting your fate will lead to his death
New Kasumi scene
New Ushimaru question (The answer is Villians, or C)
New student thoughts scene talking about Kasumi
Kamoshida + Ann scene is now voiced + rewritten
Ryuji's search for the castle is now voiced (though it could've been in the original, in not sure)
Palaces now start at 40% security when you enter instead of 0%
After going through the Palace and meeting Morgana again, the dialogue of them going back into the Palace + so much more that I'm not bothered to write is now voiced
Safe room enterences are now all wiggly and distorted
Ammo is now replenished after battles
Morgana will ask after the gun tutorial if you want to directly command him or act freely instead of making new players go to the menu and find it
New scene of Ryuji and you discussing plans to take down Kamoshida + Goro and Sae walking in the background
New IM background. Messages now have sakura petals floating in the background
Whilst you're stuck at Leblanc, unable to go out, you can up all your stats! Studying at the booth helps your Knowledge, making Coffee ups your Charm, making Curry helps your guts, you can now clean Leblanc to up your Kindness (+some points for Sojiro if he's there) and making Tools helps your Proficiency!
Ann + Shiho can be seen walking in the background at 4/13
Some students walking to school now have voices
After the rally, Ryuji complaints about Kamoshida are now voiced
One victim of Kamoshida that you interrogate now has a voice
Students you can listen into now have a slighty darker "chatter" icon once you talk to them. Same with the "whisper" icon
Wrong answers to Ryuji's question about any names turning up are now voiced
After school when Morgana tells you about changing hearts, there's a little scene where you can get the students options on Ann
The scene after you chase Ann is now voiced
Ryuji post-suicide scene is now voiced
Makoto can be found post-suicide scene right outside the courtyard talking to a teacher about Shiho's suicide (Teacher's worried about it turning into a scandal while Makoto's like "bro wtf what about the fucking student??? Huh????")
Ryuji post running off to the PE office is now voiced
Ryuji shakes his arms when he gets pissed off at Kamoshida
Shadow Kamoshida's speech to the Knights after you enter the palace is now voiced + the scene after that
When a new weapon is found in a treasure chest, the person it belongs to will ask if you want to equip the item
After Ann's awakening, there's a little scene of the crew returning to the real world and talking about what the hell just happened
Sae's dialogue about Ann has changed
Sojiro tells you to "Stay upstairs while we're open for business." Not sure if it's in the original, but it's also voiced
Takemi has a new voice actor!!!
God, fuck, there's so many new voice lines, I'm not gonna put them in anymore since there's so MANY. I'll just mention important scenes that have voices from now on
Friends that go to Shujin will sometimes catch up to you and you'll both walk to school together
Some new people appear on Yongen street when you go to Takemi's for the first time! There's a stern old man who can't hear you (he thinks you're talking about Kindergarten), there's a talkative women (who actually mentions a "very good doctor who's very reliable." Possibly the Doc from Takemi's Route?) And a sick man who says he wants to go in, but doesn't have the guts. (alluding to Takemi needing Guts to rank up)
Iwai's first meeting is now voiced
Kawakami will talk to you after Kamoshida tries to get you expelled. There's now a new scene with Kawakami, Kamoshida and Kasumi
New student comments about you + Kasumi
There are new "thoughts" when quick traveling down near the lower right-hand side of the screen that give you hints (e.g. when hovering over the Library, it says "I think I could improve my Knowledge...")
By sitting on the toilet, you can find out how close you are to improving your stats
You can see your friends (Makoto, Haru, ect) walk to school
New Hiruta question (The answer is they're both the same, or C)
There is now a tutorial for baton passing since it's no longer a confidant ability
Chests now have a weird glitchy sound to them
Some items will give you some additional moves (Wind Ring will give you Garu, ect)
The twins will have new features for you in the Velvet room after you secure the route to the treasure.
The "Next Day" screen's weather will change depending on the weather in game
On 4/21, you can see Makoto and Sae hanging out in the background
The "Next Day" screen will also change when you send the calling card! A card will fly into the date instead of a dagger and the sky will become black and red
You cannot resell guns to Iwai anymore
The Palace security will actually go up to 100% when you send the Calling Card, not 99% like in the original
The Ass Chalice now has a sound effect for when you break it
Shiho and Mishima now appears as apart of Kamoshida's boss fight
New question, forgot which teacher tho (the answer is D, or all of them)
Morgana will tell you to work on your Kindness so you can talk to Ann
Confidants will now sometimes call you
Confidants will also have a little after scene after you hang out with them, mostly by phone call
The amount of people on the train will change depending on the time of day
You can get multiple choices for what to buy from the Home shopping channel now
Teachers will now sometimes call on your dumbass friends and ask them questions. Be a bro and help them out
New Kawakami question (answer is B, you stand by it no matter what, and then C, you have a duty to correct it)
Sometimes, when you're at the trainstation, confidants will come to talk to you. They are now voiced
New Usami question (the answer is B, or Four Colour Theorem)
Achievements for destroying Palaces have different titles now
Walking around the Wilton Buffet to get food is now voiced
Thieves Den, baby!!!!!!
Kawakami's lecture about Kamoshida is now voiced
When Kawakami goes on to explain multiple personalities and stuff like that, Akiren sits up a bit
There are more Chalk throwings by Ushimaru
The Library assistant will actually apologize to you if you spend enough time at the library!
New Kawakami question (Answer is Fatal Woman, or C)
The Monamobile will now purr when you rub the touch pad, and will yowl when you press it
Ryuji's Rank 5 now starts with a little scene of you two entering the alley to Protein Lovers gym (probably to show players where the gym is)
You can now also quick travel to the gym when you enter it
New Inui question (The answer is the Heian period, or C)
When traveling to places such as Inokashira Park, the windows on the train can change depending on the weather and scenery
New scene on 5/11. A school assembly is apparently happening on 5/13 after exams. Enter Maruki (He's the Counciler!!)
Maruki can now ask you questions in the classroom (Answer is the Placebo effect, or C)
The Morgana train button mash incident is now voiced
New scene on how to get to Madarame's shack
New Inui question (the answer is Hokusai Katsushika, or B)
New Usami question (the answer is 1:1.414, or B)
Treasure demon fights now have a new effect for when you enter battles with them (not unlike Disaster enemies, but this time it's yellow and sparkly)
New Chouno question (Answer is Together, or C, then Senses, or B, and then "Senses coming together," or B)
On 5/24, Kawakami announces a public cleanup campaign that the school will be participating in on the 30th
In Madarame's Palace, instead of you having to travel all the way back to the beginning to traverse the paintings, you can hop back in where you exited out of
Madarame's security guard is now no longer origami man, but instead it's this weird, blue angel dude with like a seashell horn?? Sorry idk all of the Persona names
New Kawakami question (The answer is Authur Conan Doyle, or B)
Operation Maidwatch is now voiced!
New Maruki class/question (The answer is the Halo effect, or B)
New scene with Ryuji, we're going to Kichijoji, baby!!!
When you unlock Lockdown during the Strength confidant, Lockdown will have a new feature called Incense. Incense will improve your Persona's focus and gives them more strength. You can find Incense not only in the Metaverse, but in daily life too.
The day when Ryuji forgets to change over to his Summer uniform, or 6/6, he will now catch up to you in the right uniform
The students walking around in the loading screens are now wearing their summer uniforms
Ann now wears a clover necklace with her Summer uniform (in her sprite atleast. Not sure if that was in the original)
Even MORE chalk throwing incidents with Ushimaru
New Kasumi scene
New Hiruta question (The answer is the number of legs, or C)
New Public Thoughts scene discussing Akechi and the Phantom Thieves (this is right before the Social Studies trip)
New Maruki class/question (The answer is Controlling public thought, or C)
Not sure if it's just me, but Kobayakawa seems a bit more of an asshole to Makoto
You actually exchange numbers with Akechi this time
New Hiruta question (The answer is Green, or B)
New Ushimaru question (The answer is Coins, or B)
Kinda newish scene of Makoto/Sae sister time? It's the same dialogue, but they're not eating this time and instead are talking in their living room
New scene of Makoto and Iida (the guy who got blackmailed by Kaneshiro and co.)
New scene of you and Ryuji finding the right line to take you to Shinjuku
The two trolls of Shinjuku scene has been rewritten.
New Usami question and Ann needs help answering it (The answer is Smartphone, or B)
Kaneshiro's introduction is now slighty different (the camera focuses on him talking to Makoto before zooming out and seeing her struggling on the floor)
New Inui question (The answer is a Pope, or C)
Kawakami's IM pfp has now been changed to her maid outfit
New scene on 6/25. Morgana/Ann's showtime introduction
When you enter Kaneshiro's palace, a dog enemy will spot you and will initiate a battle. You will be able to trigger Ann/Morgana's showtime!
New technical tutorial in the middle of Kaneshiro's palace since this is the first time you encounter enemies without weaknesses
Treasure demons will now sometimes appear in battles with other enemies
Kaneshiro's security cameras now have a sound effect for when they go out
In Kaneshiro's Palace, there's a miniboss right before the giant lock. In the og, right as you walked down the stairs, you were forced to fight before you could save in the safe room behind you. Now, in Royal, you can save before going to fight! (Credit to u/Theroonco for this fact!!)
Kaneshiro's palace now has golden doors you need to pay for to open up (Specifically 10,000 yen.) Fortunately, you can just beat the shit out of them to get them to open.
Kaneshiro's Guard near the end of the palace has been changed. Instead of Armless Brainless mcgee it's horse skeleton man with weird hat (again, idk persona names fdjdhsk)
Special animations will play for Caroline and Justice when lockdown is in effect
New lines from Caroline/Justine when lockdown is in effect
New Chouno question (The answer is Dogs, or C)
On 6/28, new scene with Ryuji/Makoto for their showtime introduction though the date may differ depending on your playthrough. I got mine just as I was about to send the calling card, so who knows?
New Kawakami question (The answer is Gold, or B)
Kaneshiro's entire first phase has been deleted. Instead, you just skip to Piggytron
Kaneshiro also now has 3 phases
New Inui question (The answer is Barbarian's Head, or C)
New Chouno question (The answer is Julius and Augustus, or B)
New Kawakami question (The answer is The Milky Way, or B and then Soumen Noodles, or A)
New Usami question (The answer is a Triangle, or D)
New Maruki class/question (The answer is Memories that last for a long time, or B, then Infinite, or C and finally Forever, or C)
New Makoto scene
New Kasumi/Goro scene (I literally gasped outloud as soon as I saw him I'm not kidding that really caught me by surprise dkdkshhs)
New Inui question (The answer is Thievery, or D)
New Maruki/Makoto scene
New scene with some Gossiping students taking shit about Kasumi and Maruki
New scene on 7/17!!! Festival, baby!!!!! + Ryuji/Yusuke showtime introduction
On the day of the fireworks festival, on the train loading screens, you can see people dressed up in Yukatas!
Not sure if it was in the game last time, but there's now dialogue of Medjed claiming to be modern day Robin Hoods
New scene with Ryuji asking you to check with people in your neighbourhood about Futaba
You can no longer slide down the sand in front of Futaba's Palace while in your normal attire
Anubis will now warn you if he'll perform Mudoon or Hamaon (Anublis tips towards Curse (Mudoon) / Bless (Hamaon) or Anus reset balance (if Anubis decides to stop the Insta kills))
New mementos rooms
New Treasure Demon dialogue if you already have that Treasure Demon in your party
I've also noticed that there are a lot more Treasure demons in Mementos, whether they spawn in or appear right after battle with another enemy
You can sometimes fall into the ground in Mementos
I'm not sure if this was in the original, but you cannot hang out with your confidants in certain areas if the weather is bad
The Big Bang challenge without the special on is 2000 yen on the burger's second phase and 2500 yen on burger's final form
Cognitive Wakaba's 1st phase has now been sped up. She will now dive down on her third turn
New animations for Futaba working in Necronomicon whilst she is talking to Sphinx Wakaba
New Cognitive Sphinx Wakaba + Futaba Dialogue
Just as jobs can now text you and ask if you can come in, Lala can now text you and ask if you can take a shift. She even has a unique Profile colour!
Also, more people will come in on Sundays to Crossroads. Instead of receiving 7200 yen, you'll get 12000 yen instead for your hard work
Kasumi's ending text (Unbreakable bond) is now different. Also, I think it was a different voice?? It said you gained a glimpse, not the ultimate secret though. Very interesting
Also, there's no new Persona for you to fuse for her and Kasumi herself doesn't get a new persona (I finished this before she even awakened so huh??? Wha???)
Futaba's integration into the PTs is now voiced
The Shinjuku Trolls/Lobster incident is now voiced
New scene of the Gang hanging out at the beach (it's animated, but it's one of the 3D ones with the models)
The Movie Theatre Mementos request is now right after Medjed's takedown, and you do not need to search for the name this time as Mishima just gives it to you. You can still find Yasuo Jochi (the target) at the movie theatre threating the old man
New scene on 8/30. Ryuji didn't do his Summer homework
The Takases (Kawakami's blackmail no-good doers) turn into the butterfly man and green girl fairy now (I think. I could've sworn they turned into a Succubus and an Incubus but who knows? I do remember fighting the enemies they turn into now though so again, who knows?)
Naguri (the guy that attacks indiscriminately and can be found out through gossip in the Flower shop) is also now a Kin Ki (again, not sure if it was in the og but I do not remember fighting a Kin Ki)
New Inui question (The answer is Prosperity, or C)
New Maruki class (The answer is Chronostasis, or B) (I'm also pretty sure the second hand stopping question was in the og, but now Maruki asks you the question.)
Not sure if this is actually in the fight, but whilst I was exploring the Thieves Den, I noticed Kamoshida (Monster oogly bloogly form) had a mini him on the Ann Cup.
The Yusuke Hawaii incident is now voiced
New scene with Kawakami
New scene with Maruki, Sojiro, Futaba and Morgana
New scene of the gang + Kasumi shopping for soveineurs (with an additional Haru in the background!!) (Also, unfortunately, instead of the original scene of Kasumi scaring you (she originally said "Konichi-WA") being translated to "Alo-HA", it just got translated to "Hello, SENPAI" which kinda saddens me but it's eh)
When you get back from Hawaii, if you say "Aloha!" to Futaba, instead of saying "He's been influenced..." she now says "He's been Hawaiianized..." Not sure why they changed it, I mean, it was fine to begin with but it's whatever ¯_(ツ)_/¯
New scene with Ryuji and Kasumi
The conversation with Futaba about Morgana's fissy fit is now voiced
New Inui question (The answer is Money loans for collateral, or A)
If you interact with the stuff in your room whilst the game forces you to sleep and Morgana is missing, you'll get text like "There's something that relates to the cat... I'm worried about Morgana..." (E.g if you interact with your work bench, it says "A cat left paw prints in the dust... I'm worried about Morgana..."
Haru's Metaverse outfit sprites have been remade
After Morgana's + Haru's little spiel, if you check on the stuff in your room again whilst the game tells you to go the fuck to sleep, it'll have different dialogue. It's mostly Akiren wondering who "Beauty Thief" was and being worried about Morgana
Again, even more dialogue about Morgana and Haru on the next day. "Why didn't I noticed that something was bothering Morgana...?" oh Akiren you sweet little child hit me right in the Kokoro
New Chouno question (The answer is Cats eating human tongues, or B)
The Morgana chase scene is now voiced
Finally, when Morgana returns, he'll comment on everything saying shit like "Oooh this place is as drab as ever lmao I'm glad to be back ahahah"
New Kawakami question (The answer is Centeral Europe, or B)
ALSO VERY IMPORTANT!!! If you check on your calendar, you can see Akiren's thoughts and what he did that day!!! I didn't know until now djdjdh (also, Hawaii has some cool stamps?? Stickers?? Probably not stickers but they're cool lmao (ALSO THE BIG BANG CHALLENGES ARE CALLED "TRIAL BY BURGER" KSJDHDHH)
New Usami question (The answer is 20 white, 12 black or B)
New scene of Yusuke/Ann for their showtime
The Sad Oh no Okumura Robot dying wahh scene is now voiced
Maruki can now meet you at the station, surprisingly
New scene with Haru and Morgana for their Showtime
New Ushimaru question (The answer is Imperial Household Agency, or B)
God, I tried to not include that much Palace stuff in here - especially the bosses - but holy fucking shit Okumura is fucking hard as shit and it took me 3 tries to beat him oh my god beware of the Borger man and forehead girl I'm actually shaking as I'm writing this just know I hate Okumura and his stupid bossfight
New scene with Kasumi, Maruki and some random teacher
New Hiruta question (The answer is Stars, or B)
New scene with Kasumi and anime scene!! and WHOOPS we've accidentally entered the metaverse WHAT
Gun Customisation has a new screen and new mechanics
You can also now instantly go to the Gun Customisation screen when you buy a new gun
New Inui question (The answer is Joseph-Igance Guillotin, or D)
New Usami question (The answer is Bouba, or B)
New scene with Kawakami at lunch at 10/11 telling you to go see Maruki + Kasumi and Maruki afterwards
New scene with Maruki and Haru on 10/20
New Usami question (The answer is 15, or A)
Instead of Makoto getting Akechi's number from Sae, we give his number directly to Makoto since we actually exchange contact info this time
New Maruki class/question (The answer is Memory Bias, or B)
New scene after the school festival. Yusuke is missing and is found by Maruki
The post-festival party is now accompanied by Kasumi, though afterwards you can hang out with your friends
New anime scene too!!
Ryuji's phone call about being the shittiest of shitbags is now voiced
Goro's prince outfit reveal is now voiced
Also, I forgot if I mentioned this before, but Akechi's pfp is now a different colour. It was grey before, but now it's light brownish
Not sure if it just randomly happens in October, but on 10/30, I saw people dressed up in costumes! Nice little detail (I even saw a Jack Frost lmao)
You can also find people walking around Shibuya in costumes!
Haru will instead be outside the school tending to the plants instead on the roof on Sundays if you want to hang out with her
New scene with Makoto and Haru!! It's the girls' showtime!!! Time to kick ass
I only noticed until now, but if you hold down the R2 button, (the button that makes you dash if you're unfamiliar with the PS controller like I am) you'll instantly perform actions such as jumping across ledges and climbing up walls
Sae now has actual cognitive-human bodyguards when she approaches you whilst you wander around the Casino (they actually kinda look similar from the bodyguards at the beginning whilst you're being chased lmao)
In Sae's Dice room, instead of crawling through the vent to reach the backrooms, you can just select "crawl" on the vent and instantly teleport there without having to crawl through since the two rooms are in seperate "areas"
New scene with Kawakami! She informs the class that Maruki will leave on the 18th, so make sure to rank him up to Rank 9 so you can unlock the 3rd semester!
Not sure if I just didn't notice before, but there are now people in the Dark Maze
Didn't notice earlier since my sneaking skills are so good, but safe rooms now bring Palace Security down to 0%, or something like that idk I was on 10% so it could be something like 15% or 20%, who knows lmao (edit: According to u/Theroonco, apparently this is a new confidant ability from Ohya! Thanks, worst girl, my opinion of you has slightly improved)
The battle areana is now voiced
Just like Maruki, Akechi will warn you that you will not be able to see him after the deadline, so rank him up so you can get to the 3rd semester!!
New Inui question (The answer is A Share of Stolen Goods, or C)
New Chouno question (The answer is a Sword, or B)
Futaba's Mementos scan is now a lot quicker
Also, I guess now is a good time to mention, but areas in Mementos can have certain qualities to them, such as all the shadows turning into the big hulky ones and the floor being weak which makes Morgana slip through them to the floor below. There's also a chance that the Reaper will spawn right away, which Futaba/Morgana will warn you that there's a certain strong shadow you have to look out for. These areas however will go back to normal after you leave them
New Ushimaru question (The answer is Any Age, or A) (And this was technically in the og, but they've reworded it so I'm just gonna put it in anyway lmao)
New Kawakami question (The answer is Crows eyes are hard to see, or B)
Nee Ushimaru question (The answer is because of high altitude, or C)
New Usami question (The answer is Cochleoid, or B)
New scene with Kasumi on 11/17
New scene with Maruki on 11/18, which is the day that he leaves
On 11/20, (the actual 11/20, not the one at the beginning of the game) you can see the SIU Director's face in the phone call thingymajig
True Justice now has actual text, not just question marks (it says "Cooperate as comrades who fight for justice and seek the truth")
Futaba's computer has now been translated in the subtitles, though I didn't get to read that much
New scene with Morgana. After the whole Interrogation Room incident, he asks you if it was Kasumi that helped you
New scene with Kasumi on 11/25
New angle/actions when hanging out at the downstairs Leblanc hideout
The Rats scene in Shido's palace is now voiced (And the rats voices are weird lmao rats rats we're the rats)
You can now eat cheese as a Rat in Shido's palace to regain Sp
After securing the route, Akiren thinks about keeping Akechi's promise to duel with him again (if you make it up to rank 8, that is)
The Eternal Lockpick is now called the Perma-Pick
On days that it is snowing, Snowflakes will fall across the IM screen instead of Sakura Petals (though they disappeared for some reason. Maybe because spring ended?)
New Vegetables for Haru!! Earth Beans that have the same effect as Charge and Star Onions that have the same effect as Concentrate
New scenes with Kasumi right before Exams and during Exams
Mementos Depths now have collectables that you can steal from
If you have reached the skill Live Painting (obtained on Rank 6), you can ask Yusuke to create skill cards in safe rooms
Your teammates speeches in the Velvet Room are now completely voiced
New ending Cutscene
And the entire 3rd semester :))

And that's about it!! Again, if anything is missing or incorrect, feel free to tell me!
Thanks for reading kdjsjs 🤠🤠🤠
submitted by The-Alpacat to Persona5 [link] [comments]

Ever want to take your group to Las Vegas?

Here is a 1-shot adventure I made, that could easily be fixed to suit any campaign! It comes complete with a whole town, some notable NPCs, some games to play while they are there, and a heist adventure if your players are keen!I playtested it with my group last Friday and they loved it :) Let me know what you think, or if you play it with your group!
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The group has come to the bustling town of Everhaven, a massive stone city in the middle of nowhere outside of all lordly jurisdiction. What once was a safehaven for unlawful deeds, gangs and thieves and murder, has since become an incredible tourist attraction for upper-class citizens to feel the thrill of skullduggery with minimal risk (as well as those looking for an easy pocket to pick). With buildings stretching towards the sky engraved with immaculate relief decor along its pillars and archways; gold and jeweled accents; and magically enhanced lighting illuminating every corner, rooftop, and statue, the city of Everhaven is an overwhelming mecca of visual stimulation.You arrive at the main square, where hundreds of other carriages are dropping off persons of every shape and size. A large group of richly adorned dwarves with gems on every finger scramble out of a red velvet carriage and immediately begin arguing about which attraction to visit first. A few high elves laugh behind their hands, though their red cheeks reveal their obvious drunken state, while leaning against a statue of angels playing fanfare trumpets in every direction - light spewing out of the metal horns in a magical rhythmic dance into the sky above. To your right is a large stable run by a sturdy group of stablehands, who are keeping busy taking care of the myriad of animals being herded into the city with frantic efficiency. Leaning against the stables are a group of rough and unfriendly looking folks, scars streaking across their exposed skin and blades at their belts. If the group talks to them, or succeeds on a 12 PER check, these are mercenaries to be hired for protection for pickpockets. (use the thug statblock (mm pg 350) for 2 silver per day or veteran (mm pg 350) for 2 gold per day).Eventually, an overzealous male half-elf (Fenian, The Silver Song) approaches you, adorned with a sequin silver vest and small white lute. He wears a hat with bells that jingles incessantly as he strides up to greet you. He offers to give you a tour of the city, and he specializes in the grand jewel of the of Everhaven - The Clover. He asks for 10 silver for the regular tour, with the best-selling vocalization, or 20 silver for without music accompaniment.Anyone with a passive perception of 10 or less will at some point, if not multiple points, be pick pocketed during their stay unless they hired a guard.On the tour he points out the various mercenary groups along the way, and makes note of the major attractions. The group can also see these if they decline his services:
If the group is having enough fun just exploring - let them. Otherwise, if they make enough money or make enough of a ruckus, then a stranger will approach them with a plan too good to pass up.
This female purple-skinned tiefling (Marzas Alrozath) has a scar over one eye and is missing a few teeth, but is otherwise well kept and clean. Her hair is shaved in zigzag patterns on both sides and a ponytail at the back. She wears padded black leather, with various pockets sewn in. Her belt has too many coin purses. She takes you to the Pepper Parlour and pays for your meals “There is no better place to talk of such matters than in a room full of raucous pigs.” She explains that she is interested in working with you to break into The Clover’s vault. There is more money there than God knows what to do with. It is heavily guarded with too many traps. She heard from a good source that there is, however, a way around the majority of these hazards - a central access point to the subterranean cellars connecting all of Everhaven together. She knows it's somewhere in the middle of town, but hasn’t been able to find where yet. She asks you to seek it out, as she cannot do it herself as they have her records on file (she became a member years ago, and they have her spit to track her movement inside the casino. If the party is already members they have disadvantage on any stealth checks made while in the Clover. The secret entrance is underneath the Smiling Lady Statue through the mechanic's entrance)Alternatively, you can try and find someone in The Clover who has little loyalty to the company, or someone who knows the space well can help you? Perhaps a key, or a map, or intel on what awaits you? (Fenian the guide, Balor the server at The Clover's Bar, or Two-Teeth at the Houndgrave)
Map to the Clover's Staff Area (accessible through the far back of the casino) (one with traps, one without)
TRAPS: If any traps go off, make an additional stealth check for alerting the guards (except for Trap 4)
  1. Trip wire - PER 12 check to notice the wire, or DEX 12 save to avoid stumbling.
  2. Door trap - DEX 12 save. A heavy iron block falls on your head. Take 1 D6 damage you are Stunned for 1 minute, with disadvantage on any saving throws for 10 minutes.
  3. Door trap - DEX 12 save. A heavy iron block falls on your head. Take 1 D6 damage and you are Stunned for 1 minute, with disadvantage on any saving throws for 10 minutes.
  4. Huge metal locked door to the vault - PER 12 check to notice the trap. If door isn’t unlocked the right way, then a loud siren goes off and you are Deaf for 1 minute (alerts the guard immediately).
  5. Trip wire - PER 12 check to notice the wire, or Con 15 save or be be blinded for 1 minute
  6. The floor in this room is jiggly. Movement across the room sends nearby creatures bouncing into the air. A successful Intelligence (Investigation) or Intelligence (Arcana) check (DC 15) will grant knowledge of how the jelly floor acts. A Wisdom (Perception) check (DC 15) is required to notice the jelly floor. The walls themselves are slightly sticky, which allows you to walk across.The floor feels like hard stone when lightly touched touch, but while walking across the floor or if hit, it really jiggles. A creature, and any creature who is within 5 feet of them, who is walking across the floor is tossed 10 feet into the air, hits the ceiling and takes 1d6 bludgeoning damage.
  7. If you don’t approach the door from the walls or ceiling (aka you open it from the floor), sleep gas is emitted into the hallway. (DC 15 Wisdom saving throw)
  8. Motion sensor - If the door wasn’t opened correctly, then this automatically goes off. Dex save or else darts shoot from the corners, take 2D6 damage.
  9. Tripwire - PER 12 check to notice the wire, or 12 DEX save to avoid stumbling.
  10. Tripwire - PER 12 check to notice the wire, or spikes fly out from the group. Take 1 D10 piercing damage
  11. Pressure plates - PER 12 to notice the plate, or else the pressure plates release sticky slime to the ground which acts as difficult terrain and sticks to your feet for 1 minute after leaving the terrain.
ROOMS:
CASINO GAMES (all Dealers / Game Masters have a DC 13 against sleight of hand checks) Lucky 7s - Roll 2D6. Players bet either over or under 7. Players can either double down or quit - pot then doubles until either the players cash out, they choose wrong, or a 7 is rolled. Once a 7 is rolled, the house wins.
Devil's Dice - Roll 3D6. Players pick a # between 1-6. If 0 of the dice match this number, the house wins. If 1 of the dice match, they win back their bet. If 2 match, they double their bet. If 3 match, they triple their bet.
High or Lower - Roll 2D6. Dealer shows 1 dice to player, and the player has to guess whether their sum is higher or lower than the Dealer's dice. Can double down, and then roles swap for who shows their dice first.
I tried making a few games that weren't just dice games, but also offered some role play elements.
Karaoke - Roll performance against the crowd's reaction. Roll 1D20 against the player's Performance (Player's have advantage if they perform a duet). Earn 1 gold for the difference between these rolls (ie: Player's rolled a 18 performance, DM rolled a 12. Players earn 6 gold)
Dunk the Drunk / Archery - Roll for a ranged attack. 10-15 earns back their bet. 15-20 earns double the bet. 20+ earns double the bet plus a special item (up to DMs discretion)
Hammer Strike - Simple enough - DC 15 Athletics wins double the bet.
*edit - Forgot to add in the casino games like I promised - whoops!
submitted by mouharle to DndAdventureWriter [link] [comments]

The tweets of Wilford Woodruff

Since Ol' Woody has been mentioned in several threads here of late I'm adding a story about him and a list of his tweets created by an exmo, Book of Mordor.
The Tweets of Wilford Woodruff
Introduction
At the end of an artfully concealed passageway within the F (First Presidency's) Vault at Granite Mountain can be found a hidden trap door leading to a secret sub-basement. Using my special set of skills, I had navigated my way into this forgotten room. I passed by the Liahona, the Sword of Laban, what looked like a Jaredite-barge shining stone thingy, and the head of Shiz in a jar; these trifles were not the reason for my dangerous and clandestine visit. I found myself sweating and mopped my face with the nearby Title of Liberty.
In the far corner of the sub-basement, I spotted an opening in the floor. Creeping over for a closer look, I beheld a spiral staircase winding endlessly down into the abyssal blackness. Eldritch symbols and unsettling images were engraved upon its cold steps, but I knew that I must descend, for the mysterious Fat Man had insisted there was no other way. My flashlight flickered and I hoped that I had inserted alkaline batteries instead of the cheap regular ones.
At length, I arrived at the nethermost alcove below the mountain. And there! next to the casks of Amontillado I spied the prize and object of my search: a small locked wooden box. But not just any box, for it contained a priceless artifact. I promptly seized the box and got the hell out of there.
Returning to my room at the Crystal Inn Hotel in Murray, I brought out the key which had proven so difficult to procure. If you can recall that one "Pirates" scene with Will Turner and a sleeping Davy Jones at the organ, you get the idea. But that tale I dare not relate in full. Suffice it to say that the telling would cause men to weep and women to giggle.
My hand trembled as the key turned and the lock clicked open. I slowly raised the lid and at last gazed with wonder on that for which I had risked all. With my heart pounding, I removed it, and so I now hold...the Flash Drive of the Prophets.
The Flash Drive of the Prophets! Naught but rumors and whispers can be heard about it from the wizened merchants who lurk in the dark recesses of City Creek Center. To think that I am now in possession of it is almost more than I can bear. But I must make haste, and share what I can of the supernal treasures stored on it. And so I present to you, dear readers, the Tweets of Wilford Woodruff.
@Big_Ol_Woody - Getting dunked a mormon in a few. Gonna be an #IceBath, f**king freezing!!! 10:48 AM Ð 31 Dec 1833
@Big_Ol_Woody - @ParleyPPratt says I have 2 go 2 some podunk place called Kirtland. Pratt's a horse's @$$ control freak. Why do I have this urge 2 run? 3:41 PM Ð 1 Apr 1834
@Big_Ol_Woody - Meeting the big guy @JosephSmithJr now. Hairy dude. Whats up w/ all the girls & can I get some? 11:22 AM Ð 25 Apr 1834
@Big_Ol_Woody - Showed JS a leg bone & arrowhead. He's #OffHisMeds, starts on about a white Indian named Zelph. Great prophet Onandagus, I call bulls**t. 1:14 PM Ð 3 Jun 1834
@Big_Ol_Woody - Mission, WTF?!? No one told me that! #BaitAndSwitch 10:58 AM Ð 11 Nov 1834
@Big_Ol_Woody - Movin on up, in the 1Q70 now. Gonna get small folks 2 #PaintMyHouse 4 me. ROFL! 12:39 PM Ð 3 Jan 1837
@Big_Ol_Woody - Got me some action at last ABOUT TIME! Phoebe's 30 like me not a babe but I'll take it. JS promised me a bunch more later haha. 8:03 AM Ð 14 Apr 1837
@Big_Ol_Woody - Another mission?! Finally getting laid & have 2 leave again, whats wrong w/ u ppl? 11:40 AM Ð 9 May 1837
@Big_Ol_Woody - Made APOSTLE 2day! JACKPOT!! I'm famous, u must all BOW DOWN BE4 ME! 3:11 PM Ð 26 Apr 1839
@Big_Ol_Woody - Another fking mission. England this time. Fk. 8:46 AM Ð 8 Aug 1839
@Big_Ol_Woody - Dunked 600 chumps past 6 wks. @JohnTaylor had the idea, calls it #CricketBaptisms. Seems 2 work. 11:17 PM Ð 10 Apr 1840
@Big_Ol_Woody - Seeing Phoebe soon, YES! Horny as all s**t, have 2 make up 4 lost time. 9:43 AM Ð 2 Jun 1841
@Big_Ol_Woody - JS showed me the "Urem&Thumem" (sp?) 2day. Just a f**king rock but had 2 make a HUGE deal like OMG! OMG, faint! LOL!! Rube. 7:09 PM Ð 27 Dec 1841
@Big_Ol_Woody - Goofy s**t around here starting 2 get 2 me. Seeing stream of light in sky shaped like sword. Must be going crazy. 8:21 PM Ð 10 Mar 1843
@Big_Ol_Woody - Oh my head. F**king sky sword changed in2 a ring w/ balls of light inside. JS says sky sword means big war coming. #NauvooMadHouse 9:12 PM Ð 14 Mar 1843
@Big_Ol_Woody - BIG DAY 2DAY GETTIN MY SECOND ANOINTING ON!!! #GoldenTicket #IGotMine 10:02 AM Ð 28 Jan 1844
@Big_Ol_Woody - Moved in2 new house yesterday. Got it "broken in" last nite w/ Phoebe heh. Life = good. 8:31 AM Ð 5 Mar 1844
@Big_Ol_Woody - Another mission ARE YOU F**KING KIDDING ME??? Want 2 kick JS in the nutz. #LoserTyrant 4:04 PM Ð 6 May 1844
@Big_Ol_Woody - OHHH S**T reading in Boston paper JS shot, killed. Bet that SOB Young is gonna try 2 take over. Not good. Need 2 get drunk fast. 3:50 PM Ð 9 Jul 1844
@Big_Ol_Woody - Its over. #TheBrigham is prez now. Every1 else kissed butt so couldn't say anything. Have 2 play nice. F**k we're doomed. 2:57 PM Ð 8 Aug 1844
@Big_Ol_Woody - Another mission 2 #Europe but it's OK this time b/c I'm MP now & can order every1 around. #HastenTheWork serfs!! 12:25 PM Ð 12 Aug 1844
@Big_Ol_Woody - Back in Nauvoo again WhereTF is every1? Half the town gone. Oh well got 2 run home I have DEEP blue balls LOL! 3:33 PM Ð 13 Apr 1846
@Big_Ol_Woody - Some army jerkwad wants volunteers 4 #MexicanWar. F**k that. Where were u earlier? Passed buck up 2 #TheBrigham. 11:20 AM Ð 26 Jun 1846
@Big_Ol_Woody - Marrying 3 chix 2day have #HaremOf4 SWEEEET!! Mary A's 28 Mary C's 17 Sarah's 18 & I can hardly wait! Phoebe not happy TFB. 8:44 AM Ð 2 Aug 1846
@Big_Ol_Woody - Teenage wives a pain, want guys their own age. Can't figure it out. BE GONE YE HARLOTS! Just the 2 wifeys 4 now. 10:55 AM Ð 29 Aug 1846
@Big_Ol_Woody - OW FK A TREE JUST FELL ON ME FK GODDAM S**T THAT HURTS OW OW 2:27 PM Ð 15 Oct 1846
@Big_Ol_Woody - Both wives preg, always complaining about something SHUT IT! Leaving em 2 each other 4 female bonding. ROAD TRIP YEAH!! 4:06 PM Ð 5 Apr 1847
@Big_Ol_Woody - This place is a dump, total #ForsakenWasteland. Deseret my @$$. BY = idiot. 9:56 AM Ð 24 Jul 1847
@Big_Ol_Woody - Climbing a mountain 2day. Full suit tie & vest. Fk I'm hot tired & #NeedABath. It's never enough is it BY? Never fking enough. Ever. 12:34 PM Ð 26 Jul 1847
I have been discovered. My actions here have alerted the Strengthening Church Members Committee. Even as I write I can hear Danite footsteps echoing in the hall. I must escape. Brethren, hasta ma–ana.
Praise Darwin, I have outwitted my foes. Oaks' Blokes chased me down the fire stairs and into the hotel lobby, but I threw down some banana peels upon which they slipped and fell. My northern and eastern escape routes were too heavily guarded, and Wendover is a hole. I have turned south and found refuge in Santaquin, but cannot linger.
@Big_Ol_Woody - F**ked up dream, prob drank 2 much #barleycorn. Saw JS & a lot of ppl in white robes making crowns. Have 2 get off the stuff. 2:17 AM Ð 16 Mar 1848
@Big_Ol_Woody - Mary A divorcing me 2morrow WTF is going on? Not like I've been away from home neglecting her, oh wait I did. All right go then. S**t. 1:51 PM Ð 10 May 1848
@Big_Ol_Woody - Have 2 tell BY I need women 2 #LiveUp2Privileges. Down 2 only Phoebe since last divorce, not enough. Must find #PerkyBoobs soon. 10:03 AM Ð 16 Mar 1852
@Big_Ol_Woody - S**t, have 2 marry this widow named Mary, she's 48. Older than me. Guess #TheBrigham is pissed at me. Need 2 brown nose again. 9:26 PM Ð 27 Mar 1852
@Big_Ol_Woody - Mary died 2day so just 1 wife again. We can #KeepEmComing tho. Have another picked out already, Clarissa's 17. 6:16 PM Ð 3 Oct 1852
@Big_Ol_Woody - #TheBrigham dedicating #SLTemple site, droning on & on & on. Will NOT close pie hole. Want 2 go home, drink #beer. 11:41 AM Ð 14 Feb 1853
@Big_Ol_Woody - Bad luck w/ teens, Clarissa divorced me 2. Trying again 2day w/ 2 new hotties, Emma 15 & Sarah 19. I'm 46 haha. SCORE. 8:28 AM Ð 13 Mar 1853
@Big_Ol_Woody - Off again, have 2 travel across the fking country 2 buy st 4 the #DeseretAlphabet. Just another wild hair out of BY's @$$. 9:02 AM Ð 3 Mar 1856
@Big_Ol_Woody - Addressed bumpkins in conf 2day in favor of #handcart ops. All have 2 back #TheBrigham on this or else. #NoConscience 3:23 PM Ð 6 Oct 1856
@Big_Ol_Woody - Promised hayseeds some would be alive 4 return of #TenTribes & give em endowments. Never know what the f**k I'm talking about. 1:57 PM Ð 22 Feb 1857
@Big_Ol_Woody - OH: @JamesBuchanan 2 send in US Army. ROFLMAO!! #BringItOn, Prez! We shall summon mighty earthquakes 2 swallow you up!! 12:08 PM Ð 24 Jul 1857
@Big_Ol_Woody - Another wife 2day! 9th overall but 4th staying. Hard 2 keep track. Sarah Delight's just 19 say hi 2 Mr. Woodruff! #DelightMe 11:01 AM Ð 31 Jul 1857
@Big_Ol_Woody - @JohnDLee ran in 2day shouting about #MountainMeadows something? Said Indians killed ppl. Yawn. BFD, need 2 get ready 4 army. 3:47 PM Ð 29 Sep 1857
@Big_Ol_Woody - Spoke 2day in the Tab, said #God progressing in knowledge & power. Crowd ate it up, go figure. These dips**ts believe everything. 2:24 PM Ð 6 Dec 1857
@Big_Ol_Woody - Running away 2 Provo since army's almost here. Expected #God 2 send down useful s**t like #FlamingAngels but nope. #WhatElseIsNew 9:05 AM Ð 7 Apr 1858
@Big_Ol_Woody - Yeah right wool. Nothin better 2 wear in CK huh Heber u jackhole? RT @HeberCKimball: Peter wore wool when he came 2 Kirtland temple 3:46 PM Ð 9 Feb 1862
@Big_Ol_Woody - Emma ready 2 pop any day, Delight 3 mo along. Sarah's turn 2 receive some laying on of hands & gift of the holy spurt haha. 6:58 PM Ð 29 Jan 1863
@Big_Ol_Woody - Prophesied Albany 2 be destroyed by fire, Boston by tidal wave, NYC by quake. BY stood up & agreed. We're just makin it all up as we go. 4:12 PM Ð 21 Aug 1863
@Big_Ol_Woody - Emma & Delight WAY preggers & HUUUGE, Sarah busy nursing kid last 8 mo, Phoebe's 61, nowhere 2 go 4 sugar. 2:35 PM Ð 13 Jul 1868
@Big_Ol_Woody - Have 2 put up w/ this batst EVERY SINGLE FKING DAY around here. RT @BrighamYoung: #Sun & #Moon are inhabited 5:00 PM Ð 24 Jul 1870
@Big_Ol_Woody - Think I finally did it, 3 wives prego at same time. D*ck is sore tho & G's rub against it fierce. #NoSpermLeft, balls shrunk 2 pea size. 10:42 PM Ð 21 Nov 1872
@Big_Ol_Woody - OH: rumor #PolandAct passed by @Congress yesterday, easier 2 prosecute plyg. We will DIE be4 we abandon plyg!!! #NoSurrender 10:29 AM Ð 24 Jun 1874
@Big_Ol_Woody - Got the shaft again. I'm older than Taylor, next in line but fking Q12 jumped him ahead of me just b/c he was ordained 1st. Hate u fks. 1:48 PM Ð 10 Apr 1875
@Big_Ol_Woody - Talked again about #TenTribes coming soon. Might even convince myself of this s**t someday. #NotGonnaHappen 2:45 PM Ð 24 Jun 1875
@Big_Ol_Woody - Told everybody 2day that #Millennium is dawning soon blah blah. Would be amazed if anything I said ever actually happened. 3:31 PM Ð 12 Sep 1875
@Big_Ol_Woody - Meeting w/ @UlyssesSGrant, as usual #TheBrigham is boring the living s**t out of the Prez. Put a sock in it 4 once u douche. 10:18 AM Ð 3 Oct 1875
@Big_Ol_Woody - BY said 2 write temple s**t down. Started last Nov u dumb coot. Will make this crapola all scary weird w/ #BloodOaths 2 freak ppl out haha. 12:32 PM Ð 14 Jan 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Think BY likes me b/c he's giving me his daughter Eudora 2morrow. She's 24 & OK I guess. Can't do s**t at 70 tho. 5:22 PM Ð 9 Mar 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - #TheBrigham doesnt like me after all, I get now why he dumped his daughter on me. Well played BY. 11:14 AM Ð 11 Mar 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - You'll NEVER believe this!! Bunch of ghosts in wigs just showed up in SG Temple! G-Wash, T-Jef, B-Frank, all of em! OMG SICK!!! 12:56 PM Ð 19 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Now they're all #BooHoo about no temple work 4 em yet. Waited soooo long wah wah wah. Scuse us guys we've been busy. 12:59 PM Ð 19 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Introducing themselves 1 by 1. BORRRING. U signed #DeclarationOfIndependence? Never heard of most of these ppl. Who are all u jokers?? 1:07 PM Ð 19 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Button Gwinet? (sp?) WTF stupid name is Button? Wait til I tell BY's kid Mahonri Moriancumer Young, he'll die laughing. Button, ROFL!! 2:21 PM Ð 19 Aug 1877
I hear voices in the distance, shouts of "Oh, fetch!" coming closer. How did they find me so quickly? Into the night once more. Brethren, peace out.
Again I have survived. The fools really ought to remove their sunglasses at night, but it seems to be against the rules. They left only the chauffeur to guard their car, a custom 2013 Bentley Mulsanne bearing the license plate "MONSON6." (How many does he have?) I dispatched the poor fellow using a can of Mountain Dew heavily laced with Ex-Lax, then drove away. I exited the interstate at Nephi, later abandoned the Bentley in Milford and have made my way to Minersville. I should be safe here. No one has ever visited this town.
@Big_Ol_Woody - It's T-Jef by himself this time. Looks uncomfortable, says something about wants 2 marry #SallyHemings? I say IDK, need more info. 10:34 AM Ð 20 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - OK get this. So I pray & see Sally! HOLY S**T SMOKIN HOT!!! I get an idea, play cool, say sorry no, #CurseOfCain etc. He's sad & goes. 10:38 AM Ð 20 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - TJ's back. I offer 2 swap my 3rd, 4th & 6th wives 2 him 4 Sally. Don't fess up these 3 divorced me haha. He says he'll get back 2 me. 1:19 PM Ð 20 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Can u f*king BELIEVE IT?!? #SelfishGhost said *NO 2 my trade!! T-JEF IS AN A-HOLE!!! #IWantSally 3:53 PM Ð 20 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Got dunking done 4 all these dead guys & a few more. Got water up my nose LOL! #Columbus will be sooo grateful 2 me! 7:30 PM Ð 21 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Just woke up from dream about Sally H, look down & ewwww gross!!! Long time since that happened, didn't know I still could haha! 1:16 AM Ð 25 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - BIG news! BY finally kicked it, seemed that tool would never go! Guess that HOT @AnnElizaWebb broke his heart. Annie #TelegraphMe anytime!! 11:57 PM Ð 29 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - At funeral of #TheBrigham, now I'm 1 step closer 2 prez. Snoozefest, bored 2 tears. Have 2 speak later, hope I can stay awake. 10:24 AM Ð 2 Sep 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Eudora had son yesterday but he died. Time 2 visit Emma 4 replacement. Delight 7 mo preg wonder if she's OK haha. 8:29 AM Ð 2 Apr 1878
@Big_Ol_Woody - got 2 run n hide the us marshals r after me that bch eudora divorced me n ratted me out 2 the govt why do all these bches turn on me? 7:43 PM Ð 7 Feb 1879
@Big_Ol_Woody - Beware O Earth 4 the Hour of the Judgment of #God is Upon U! Seriously! I'm Not Kidding This Time, I Really Really Mean It!! 5:13 AM Ð 26 Jan 1880
@Big_Ol_Woody - Q12 droolers took my Jan nutter ramblings as the Word of #TheLord so it's official #revelation. Shaking my head, it's a #circus here. 4:48 PM Ð 4 Apr 1880
@Big_Ol_Woody - Talking on #SignsOfTimes, this generation 2 see return of JC blah blah blah. Have 2 keep it going til the gomers wise up 2 us. 3:17 PM Ð 3 Jul 1880
@Big_Ol_Woody - Telegram: Prez @ChesterAArthur signed #EdmundsAct yesterday. #TheLord shall PROTECT US as w/ FIRE ye MINIONS OF SATAN!!! 10:11 AM Ð 25 Mar 1882
@Big_Ol_Woody - Saw CK mansions in dream last nite, the best #HeavenlyArchitects were building em. Must be getting f**king senile or something. 6:06 AM Ð 30 Dec 1882
@Big_Ol_Woody - Have 2 go on the run again, gettin 2 old 4 this st. What a fking joke, not like I'm boning any1, #CantGetItUp w/ a pulley. 8:14 AM Ð 14 Jan 1885
@Big_Ol_Woody - GEO EDMUNDS & JOHN TUCKER BY THE POWER OF THE P/H IN THE NAME OF J-C I SENTENCE U BOTH 2 INSTANT DEATH & ETERNAL DAMNATION IN OUTER DARKNESS 10:59 AM Ð 14 Jan 1887
@Big_Ol_Woody - Did it work? 8:41 PM Ð 15 Jan 1887
@Big_Ol_Woody - F**k me we are so screwed 11:28 AM Ð 17 Jan 1887
@Big_Ol_Woody - OH: Taylor died yesterday so I'm prez now. Super, just f**king splendid. Can't even go 2 #outhouse w/ out being arrested. 1:15 PM Ð 26 Jul 1887
@Big_Ol_Woody - Put my foot in it again. Prophesied that SS & MIA kids in audience 2 live 2 see #SecondComing. I'll be long dead by then #SoSueMe. 11:03 AM Ð 29 Jul 1889
@Big_Ol_Woody - Ridiculous horses**t, surrounded by cretins. RT @OrsonFWhitney: JS: #TowerOfBabel built 2 reach #CityOfEnoch suspended in midair 10:37 PM Ð 22 Sep 1889
@Big_Ol_Woody - Another #revelation from #God hooray! Not going 2 give up plyg 2 become state. #TheKingdom doesn't take terms it makes em. 10:36 PM Ð 24 Nov 1889
@Big_Ol_Woody - Telegram: @SupremeCourt upheld #EdmundsTucker. #God promised 2 fight our f**king battles but chucked us, what a surprise. 9:44 AM Ð 20 May 1890
@Big_Ol_Woody - Time 2 give up plyg. Need 2 make up some [email protected]$$ excuse 4 blowhards like BY & Kimball & Pratt etc. Thx a heap #God big help u were. 1:54 PM Ð 24 Sep 1890
@Big_Ol_Woody - Have 2 #TapDance 4 every1 about why we caved after 50 yrs of big bulls**t CK promises & brave talk of US collapse. #EpicFail 9:49 AM Ð 6 Oct 1890
@Big_Ol_Woody - It's good. Said more crap about never leading the church astray, remove out of our place blah blah. Will all #BlowOverSoon, plebs wont remember. 11:10 AM Ð 6 Oct 1890
@Big_Ol_Woody - @JosephFSmith asked 4 chat w/ son J Fielding 2day his 15 bday. #WeirdKid if u ask me. Arrogant little f**k, not 2 sharp, kinda creepy. 1:42 PM Ð 19 Jul 1891
@Big_Ol_Woody - Dedicating #SLTemple 2day, hosanna, hosanna barf. Have #hangover, feel like s**t, might need #coffee 2 stay sharp haha. 9:19 AM Ð 6 Apr 1893
@Big_Ol_Woody - Told peasants in conf 2day #OMyFather is #revelation haha. Sometimes I kill me. 4:52 PM Ð 8 Oct 1893
@Big_Ol_Woody - B-Frank said hi in bizarro dream. Had long talk, he wanted more temple s**t done. I said OK if he would bug T-Jef about #SallyHemings. 3:46 AM Ð 20 Mar 1894
@Big_Ol_Woody - Utah state but w/ out plyg dammit. Bogus Ô89 #revelation was test from #God I bet. Uh yeah thats it. U cant criticize me I'm the profit. 12:08 PM Ð 4 Jan 1896
@Big_Ol_Woody - Conf talk earlier 2day, kids here 2 be alive 4 #SecondComing. Same ol s**t 60 yrs, they're just never gonna learn. [email protected]$$es 4ever. 6:25 PM Ð 8 Apr 1898
Betrayed! facepalm It must have been a local, besotted with the false promises of a special second anointing for my capture. If I could hie to Kolob Canyons I might yet stand a chance. I will return and report, should I live. Brethren, whatever.
The Tweets of Wilford Woodruff: The Hunt is On!
It has come to this at last. I was hotly pursued into Zion National Park and alas! have tragically lost the Flash Drive of the Prophets while scrambling over the lovely pink cliffs. I fear that it will never be found, save perhaps by an intrepid contributor to this board. Once I reach Mesquite I think I will be free. The Committee has no power beyond Utah, and the breakfast buffet at the Casa Blanca is not half bad. I thank you, dear readers, for your time and attention but damn I really must move or I am toast. Brethr
The Tweets of Wilford Woodruff: Epilogue
The boys were close on my heels all the way to St. George, where I ditched them for good as they were gorging on thirds at Golden Corral's dessert table. I held to the course of the Virgin River through Arizona, entering Nevada near Bunkerville. Being famished I was compelled to rustle and BBQ one of Cliven Bundy's cattle. And it came to pass that I arrived in Las Vegas clinging to the back of a big rig. I relax now poolside at Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino. All is well! My adventure is finished and I return to a normal existence, buying tequilas for sun-kissed topless honeys. I thank you once more for your kind attention. Brethren, I do.
The orignal article and other information about LDS Prophets is available here: http://www.salamandersociety.com/foyeprophets/
submitted by HeberSeeGull to exmormon [link] [comments]

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Cedars Café at Tulalip Resort Casino

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